October 29th, 2004
|12:12 am - I am tired of...|
making all the effort
being told that I'm not trying hard enough
being told that Sophia might be a boy (who the fuck really cares? If she comes out a boy then I'll find a different name for her.)
not having friends
not being able to drink coffee
waking up on my back and worrying about if I am cutting off circulation to the baby
not having sex
not having anywhere important to go
not having a job
worrying about money
people thinking John Kerry is all that and a box of chocolates (coz really he's more like just the box without the chocolates, and probably dumber than that)
people thinking that killing is a woman's god given right
the dog pooping on the floor
my dad having a more exciting life than I do and bragging about it
my dad talking about how great this girl is that I absolutely cannot stand and have had an auditionrivalrytypething with since I was 15
my dad complaining
my dad acting like a 4 year old
men in general, I guess
my brother being soo annoying and so innocent and me not being able to stand him
the dog stealing my underwear
jodi living out of town
my sister's selfishness
my sister's boyfriend
only having two charms on my bracelet
feeling like a charity case
Current Mood: pissed off
October 24th, 2004
October 23rd, 2004
I am bummed out. I should know better than to ever go to my dad's show. It always bums me out that he is 50 yrs old and doing something that I wish I was doing... it also bums me out because being a part of a show like that means an automatic "family" or unit of friends, which is something I really need. You don't get friendships like that anywhere else, seriously. I just need friends, but... yeah right.
I think I just need a new dynamic in my life somehow.. I do things.. I go to yoga and to this young adults group, but so far it is just like.. hey you're my buddy at yoga, but forget about talking any other time.
Current Mood: melancholy
October 20th, 2004
|09:52 pm - fill this out and post it in my comments|
Tell me something obvious about yourself.
Tell me something about yourself that I don't know.
What is your biggest fear?
Do you normally take the safe route or the shortcut?
What is the one thing you want the most that you can't buy with money?
What is your most treasured possession?
What is the one thing you hate most about yourself that you do the most often?
Tell me something about you sexually that I don't know.
Tell me something about you sexually that everybody knows.
What is your favorite lie to tell?
Name something you have done once that you can't wait to do again.
Are you the jealous type?
What is the one person, place or thing that you can never say no to?
What is the nicest thing someone has ever done for you?
If you could do something crazy right now, what would it be?
When was the last time you cried?
When was the last time you felt so good that nothing else mattered?
Do you feel comfortable in public with no shirt on?
Name something embarrassing you did while drunk.
If you post this in your journal, do you want me to answer it?
Current Mood: blah
October 19th, 2004
|04:27 pm - Dr's Appointment...|
OK, had a dr's appt today, it actually went well!! I got an ultrasound and dr said it's ALMOST definitely a girl!!! no boy parts in sight!! He could be wrong of course but that's what I'll assume for now. :)
Current Mood: bouncy
October 18th, 2004
Tomorrow: dr's appt. Male dr, sooo not thrilled about that, but I had no choice... if he tries to stick his hand up my hoo-ha I will personally kill him. I know this is his job, but it's still not happenin'.
I do hope that he gets out his magic ultrasound wand and finds out if it's a sophia or an aidan though. That'd be nice.
I think it's a strong-ass girl who's going to kick box someday because she is already bruising up my insides and she only is supposed to weigh 7 oz at this point and be somewhere around 5 inches long.
She's kicking me right now, actually. probably wishing I could go to bed so she could get her groove on. She likes to party while I'm asleep. This is a bad sign, I'm afraid for her adolescence.
I hate the USPS
Somehow the responsible gene in my family expired after my younger brother (he is 18). Everyone younger than him seems to be too spacey/stupid to remember when they are supposed to be looking after things.
I fear for their future children. I wonder how the house did not burn down in the past.
Current Mood: melancholy
October 15th, 2004
I miss my friends. I miss having friends. I miss feeling like a part of something.
I am just here, growing a baby and waiting for it so that I'll have some real purpose. I mean, that's not why I got pregnant.. it wasn't on purpose. But that's my purpose now.
I'm really annoyed with anything/anyone with a penis right now.
Someone that I told to never speak to me or my family a year ago is now.. speaking to me and my family. I'm trying to pass it off as mental incompetence and not just plain disregard for my feelings.
There is a guy who I was good friends with for a while ... then he told me that he wanted to be with me and wouldn't let the issue go even after I made it obvious that I didn't want to be with him. He's been calling.. I said we should hang out sometime (yes, I'm desperate) and I hope he didn't take it the wrong way.
It's like men come out of the woodwork at the most inopportune times. Sure it'd be nice to have someone right now.. but that's not my focus at all. It's too dangerous for me... to fall in love right now. And I don't think I could, anyway.
I miss writing poetry but I can't find words anymore.
Current Mood: tired
September 17th, 2004
|12:41 pm - i hate stupid people|
don't they have anything better to do than sit around being stupid?
I guess probably not.
I mean, what's wrong with calling my baby Boo? It's better than a food name like most people use.. Peanut.. Bean.. Yuck. Boo is cute. It's from Monsters Inc. It's also something that my mom called most of my siblings when they were babies (in addition to their real names).
I don't know if my baby is a boy or a girl, so what should I call it? IT? I dont like the association with the scary clown.
Oh, and what is with people stalking me??? People that I told to leave me alone over a year ago..
And people that pretend to know me but obviously don't and use their meager knowledge to try and upset me. Stupid people. I hate them.
Current Mood: aggravated
August 11th, 2004
your mom eats cat poop.
I wanna go to a movie and take a nap, but I have to choose only one, since I pick the kids up at 5:30. Yuck.
Probably I'll go to a movie, and just go to bed around 8:00 since I have to actually work tomorrow. I want this to be over. I'm ready to go home.
July 25th, 2004
Ick. I am so so so so sick. I want mashed potatoes, RED mashed potatoes, the real kind, with butter and salt, but I don't have red potatoes or a car to go to the store. Actually if I had my way I'd go to Applebees and order just the garlic mashed potatoes. Yummy.
I'll probably end up making the nasty instant ones because I don't have the energy to cook up the damn potatoes and squish them and everything. *sigh*
I went to lunch today with this girl that I met on the iVillage March Expecting Club... she is about as far along as I am and she lives close by so we decided to hang out. She was telling me that the apartments that she and her husband live in are low income housing and they base how much you pay on how much you make, etc, and that I would probably only have to pay like $400 a month! FREAKIN COOL. So, I might be moving to San Clemente, if I can find a different job. I'm not excited about doing the job-hunt thing, but $400 is NOT BAD at all. And then I would have my own place.. granted, it would be further still from Rovin, but it'd be MY OWN PLACE. My own little house for me and boo.
Although I don't know how I'd like living alone... I'll probably have to get used to it.
Have to work tomorrow. Would almost rather jump off a cliff. Sleeping all weekend was very nice but I still feel exhausted, like I need about a week more of just sleep and eat and watch tv.
I want to quit this job... I really really do. I can't do this, work 13 hrs a day and cook and clean and change diapers when I feel the way I do. It's killing me. BUT I need to get a car first. I need to safe up for a few months and get like a 1-2,000 dollar car.
OK, the mashed potato idea is calling me.
Current Mood: sick